It used to be “going into uncharted territory”. Then it became “breaking new ground.” Now it’s standing on the crossroads.

Unlike the movie where Britney Spears sings I’m Not A Girl Not Yet A Woman, I find myself reaching quarter-life status in about two weeks time, and I’ve never been so confused. And I don’t have my youth to front as my excuse. I am a woman, and I have decisions to make.

What if you found yourself in a situation where you thought everything just happened in the nick of time, the right doors just opened and you just jumped on them stat because it seemed like the right thing to do. It seemed like a calculated risk. You asked questions whose answers you’d base your decision on, to uproot yourself, to engage yourself to embrace this change, to take new things head on. What if they gave you the answers you needed to decide and affirm. And what if, when you’re all in, all cards dealt, you found out the answers they gave you were wrong. Downright wrong.

I am where I am now. Such is the present. I am taking accountability. Do I see things through and make things better, even just in the medium term – even if I know that the vision may very well not materialize in the long term because of aggressive assumptions and unconscientious allocations? Or do I wave my white flag as early as now and invest my time in other more meaningful matters?

What if you believed in the end goal so intensely, but in the process of involving yourself in achieving said goal, you discover an imminent culture of willful blindness? What if you tried numerous times to get your point through, but you’re just perceived as wrong? What if there is a belief in grassroots thinking, but execution robustly top-down?

What if this is a wake up call for me – a bump in the head to make me realize that there is a bigger world out there – that I have choices to consider. What a big lesson this has been. This has taught me the virtue of grace amidst turmoil. This has validated the philosophy that I always followed until now: things that start fast, end fast.

What if this is my opportunity to go for the other things I’ve always wanted to do? What if it’s okay to start at square one – as long as I look forward to doing and keep at it?

What if?

Posted from WordPress for Android


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