So I saw this on my Facebook news feed the other day, and could not help but blurt out in laughter:
I’m happy to know that I’ve moved on from what otherwise seemed like an intense stretch of emo days. Given that I’m a relatively transparent person, and that I don’t really mind telling people what’s up if they ask, I ended up receiving a myriad of advice from different people recommending different things. The bits of advice were so diverse, and all seemed to be at the extreme ends of the spectrum. However, this bit reigned supreme, and is my favorite of them all:
Hello love. Our conversation regarding your journey towards finding your mate stuck to me and got me thinking. If there is one thing I learned about love, is that in order to love we have to be vulnerable. Vulnerable and humble.
I am not saying you don’t know this yet.
If you do, I want to affirm that in my experience this is really true.Regarding
(insert other friend’s name here)‘s advice that you have to find someone smarter than you, although it is a challenge, it is very doable. I am surprised that within your network, you haven’t found many intellectual equals or superiors. Maybe they’re intelligence isn’t manifested through articulation.
Also through experience, I can tell you that sometimes it’s much harder to date someone who is as smart as or smarter than you simply because ideals clash and intelligent people are less likely to compromise on their views because they are so sure of themselves, sometimes too sure. I am talking about myself and some boy here, not you darling.
So in my experience, although I dated men I could respect, I didn’t feel respected or heard, or appreciated. So my wish for you is you find a man you can respect, but also someone who can appreciate your strength and your power, who is not afraid of or intimidated by you.
So whether you find a man who is an intellectual, or someone who may not be your equal in terms of I.Q., it doesn’t matter. Both will have different yet equal qualities of worth to bring to the table. What matters is your attitude towards love or romantic relationships. We are so used to nurturing ourselves, and being proud of our accomplishments, of people looking up to us. But love and romantic relationships are not about us, if we want a truly rewarding love life. They are primarily about what we see in someone, how much we believe in someone, are willing to commit, nurture and take care of someone. My advice to you is don’t rush, as I have rushed at some point, and even fell flat on my face because of rushing. Find a man you respect, you trust and you know will stretch your growth spiritually. Someone who will bring out the giver in you, as it is such a maturing experience to be the one who listens, and understands, and at the same time being listened to and understood. I don’t doubt you will find this kind of love. But if it isn’t love you are looking for, well there isn’t anything I can say about that. But as someone who has been through it, I say pray for this kind of experience. Don’t go for a relationship that only skims through your being. Look for someone who can shake you to your core, and will enable you to grow even more spiritually. You’re on the right path. Good luck!
When I initially spoke of finding someone I could respect, I was equating respect with intelligence.
I was wrong on that note. I found men whose intellect and accomplishments I respected but whom I was supremely turned off by because of their arrogance and perceived superiority of self. So never again will I limit or reserve my respect for people who have proven to be smart.
What I respect in someone now is someone who embodies kindness, diplomacy, compassion, tolerance.
As someone who was very stubborn, I didn’t have much of these qualities. But loving someone who did humbled me, and softened me, and I am so much happier for it.
Just sharing my thoughts my love..Have a great day!
Beautiful, isn’t it? Lucky me to have friends with such wonderful perspectives.
I suppose at the end of the day, when people give advice, it is ultimately up to you whether you subscribe to them or not. A rule of thumb I use when sifting through different viewpoints?
- Does the advice-giver practice what he/she preaches?
- Do you and the advice-giver share mutual goals and perspectives in life?
- Are there areas in the advice-giver’s life that you want to imbibe in your own life as well, in relation to the topic being advised at hand?
If your answer to all 3 is a fat YES, then it’s worth considering. At the end of the day, we are all captains of our own ship, and we are accountable to our own actions and outcomes.
So yes, I am allowing myself to blog re touchy-feely things after realizing that the 1st schoolweek of the sem isn’t even over yet, and I’ve been assigned >1,000 pages worth of readings. Upside? Skimmed through them and they mostly seem worth the read.
Okay, back to reading. Haha.
A happy Monday to all!